In my opinion, the root of most of our problems can be broken down into lack of self knowledge and lack of wisdom – I’m not including medical problems here, even though there is a school of thought that points to certain physiological ailments being a manifestation of the mind.
This is why it is so important to live our lives in both self awareness and wisdom if we want to avoid the problems and stresses that many of us encounter far too often for comfort. As an afterthought, I’m going to add ‘living in truth’ here as a separate entity (you’ll see why in a later post) but it is in fact a part of wisdom.
Think back to some of the biggest headaches that you’ve had the misfortune of experiencing in your past. Do you remember how you got there? Could they have been avoided? Could you have dealt with the situations better?
In the meantime it might be helpful if I provide an example of my own:
Looking back I can say that one of the biggest stressors in my life was having to wake up early in the morning to go and spend 8 hours everyday for many years doing something I absolutely detested.
Whenever I found myself in-between jobs, I’d end up applying for similar jobs because I knew I stood a better chance of getting those jobs (I had bills to pay and a lifestyle to uphold); only to end up in the same situation all over again. Flipping miserable!
Meanwhile I’d be painfully aware of the fact that time was ticking away, I wasn’t getting any younger or any more fulfilled. Even more flipping miserable!!
Why did I find myself in that situation?
- Because I hadn’t taken the time out to know I really was, I wasn’t making decisions aligned with my true self. But how could I when I didn’t know who that was.
- I was not living in wisdom. If I was, I would not have applied for the same type of jobs over and over again – doing the same ol’ thing and expecting things to change (a sign of madness). I would have taken a step back and given myself the space needed to see my options, but back then, I didn’t believe I had any options. All I knew was that I needed to fulfil my basic needs as a matter of urgency.
‘Oh, but dear child, you did have options, plenty of them’, said the voice in my head just now…
I just didn’t see them.
The thing about options
The thing with options is that they may not seem like the best choice in the short term, but life isn’t about the short term, it’s about ‘in the long-run’.
Let’s simplify this a bit with some examples of short-term gratifying gains. You’re feeling well stressed, you want that ugly feeling in your gut to go away, you just want some release, so:
you reach for the bottle…yes, you feel much better now,
you reach for the food…yes, you feel much better now, or
you reach for nothing, do nothing because you can’t be bothered to put the effort in…yes, you feel much better now that you don’t have to exert yourself.
So you remain wallowing in your self pity, separating yourself from the people around you, or the opposite, needing to have people around you all the time, relying on them too heavily to comfort you, validate you and take away all your pain. Some people turn to sex thinking those few moments of gratification will numb their pain.
The bigger picture
All of the above will work in the short term but what about tomorrow, next week, next year? When you’re now an alchi and can’t hold down a job. You’ve spent all you money on booze. You’ve put on so much weight that you can’t stand the sight of yourself in the mirror. You’ve not moved on. You find yourself feeling lonely because you’ve pushed all you friends away. You have no friends now because you’ve exhausted them with your neediness. You’ve become so desensitised to the sexual experience that you need more and more and never feel fulfilled?
Seeking short-term gain is long-term pain – a bit of wisdom there for you.
Now back to the point of options. When looking at options it isn’t wise to dismiss the one’s that you think might make life a bit more difficult in the short-term.
In my example above, one of my options (in hindsight) would have been to just leave work and live peasant-ly for a while until I sorted myself out. This would have empowered me to move forwards from a stronger position, enabling me to make a better life decision for me.
This may not be for everyone but…
I do realise however, that this would be difficult for someone with little mouths to feed and a mortgage to maintain. But the point I’m making here is that we often have more options than we think. Also, not to be put off by the one’s that might cause some discomfort in the short-term; ‘For that too will pass’ (from somewhere in the bible).
In the end, my contract came to an end, I was offered a new permanent position and turned it down. My mind was already made up. If I didn’t change, nothing was going to change for me. (This was terrifying for me though).
Most clouds have a silver lining
I was now living on pittance; officially a member of the ‘Great Unwashed’. I went from going out and being able to afford copious rounds of drinks to not even being able to afford to visit the cinema but…I was soooo much happier!
Strangely enough, I found that I treasured what I had more than I ever did before – lovely feeling. Also, I found that when I was able to buy myself something new that I really needed, the feeling of elation and gratitude made my spirits soar like never before.
No longer was I feeling demoralised everyday. My days were filled with acquiring useful knowledge which gave me an insane sense of accomplishment. I had more time to help others, same result. I worked on discovering the true me. This was a painful exercise but worth every damn second for the sense of freedom it afforded me.
Being a peasant was proving to be nourishment for my soul. Who would have thought it!
A few things to keep in mind here:
- We have choices all the time and are constantly making decisions. You decide to get out of bed. You decide what to eat, what to wear what to say, what to do with your spare time and who to do it with…
- If you are stressed you are less likely to see and assess your options in all their glory.
- If your knowledge base is limited, you will see less options and opportunities. One of the habits that the rich have is that they learn something new on a regular basis. (1.)
- If you do not know yourself, you will not be able to identify the options that are inline with the real you (because you won’t know who that you is).
- If you do not live in wisdom, you’re more likely to make inadequate decisions.
If you got something from this post please share the love.
All the best – until the next time. x
